Have you ever seen the movie “Groundhog Day” where Bill Murray’s character is forced to repeat the same day over and over again? My experience at a recent “speed networking” event showed me that many people have the same approach to networking. They keep making the same rookie mistakes time and time again. Here are a few ways to avoid common networking mistakes, stand out in a crowd and be the kind of person people want to spend time with at events:

Be brief

The guidance both before and during the speed networking event was simple: Introduce yourself for 30 seconds and allow your partner to introduce themselves for 30 seconds. Then talk to see if you have connections that can help each other. Sounds simple, right? Then why did most of my partners talk for 1-2 minutes without drawing a breath? Develop a short introduction for yourself and practice it in advance. Your listener will be more interested and you’ll have a better conversation.

Be general

How long does it take a conversation to become boring after someone pulls out a prototype of their product and starts talking to you about the patent? Not long. You wouldn’t believe some of the technical conversations people tried to start with me … right away. Keep your conversations high level until you know that your listener is both interested and able to understand what you mean. Choose the right person and right time before you detail the complexities of what you do.

Be curious

Introducing yourself at a networking event isn’t actually about you. Surprised? It’s about starting a mutually agreeable conversation. Keep the conversation going by asking questions. Take a genuine interest in the person you are talking to (even if it’s brief). No one wants to be the recipient of a monologue. I asked my partners lots of questions and they were delighted to answer them. Unfortunately, almost no one returned the favor.

Be helpful

There is one question that should constantly go through your mind at a networking event. No, it’s not “is there someone better I could be talking to?” The key question and the one that separates the networking superstars from everyone else is this: “How can I help the person I’m talking to?” Are there any resources you can give them? Is there any information you can provide? The idea that networking is about getting things is a myth that will stand in your way. Stand out by offering help.

Follow those four tips and you’ll avoid the networking mistakes that trap most people. More than that, you’ll be networking like a superstar.

“Once upon a time _____. Every day, _____. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.”

Here’s how the example might work using my speech coaching services as an example:

“Once upon a time everyone dreaded going to meetings and conferences because they were boring and a complete waste of time.

Every day really smart people would waste their words with boring presentations and no one would listen to them.

One day the smart people realized that they didn’t have to be boring. They could get someone to help them sell their ideas and they called me.

Because of that, they became the kind of speakers who inspired their listeners and motivated them to act.

Because of that, the people at work were more motivated and more productive.

Until finally companies used better communication and increased productivity to connect with customers and increase sales.”

(Ok, I’ll admit I need to work on the last sentence a bit more, but you get the idea. It’s a good exercise to follow that thought process.)

To see 5 other techniques that Pink mentions in his book, check out Gretchen Rubin’s summary in her blog post “6 Simple Strategies To Pitch Your Ideas. And To Make Them Irresistible.”

What do you think. Which of these techniques work best for you?

Believe your contacts. Poet Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” This can be said of networking as well. When people say, “let’s stay in touch” you should believe them. Don’t waste time trying to second-guess their intentions. Even if the person was “just being nice” you can trust that they will continue to be nice when you reach out.

Confirm your intention. Grab the bull by the horns and tell your contact exactly how you will follow up: “That sounds great. I’ll reach out to you in a few days/weeks/months.”

Ask how they want to be reached. Find out how they prefer to be contacted: by phone calls, emails, texts? You may also want to ask before you reach out on social media. Some people connect on Facebook with everyone they pass in the grocery store, while others only want to connect on LinkedIn. Find out first and prevent an embarrassing situation.

Offer value, information or resources. Try to share something of value with your contacts. Can you send a link to an interesting article? Is there information about a mutual interest that you can share? You may just want to thank them for their insight during your previous conversation and tell them how you are using the information they gave to you. That’s valuable too.

Be direct and ask for help. Sometimes the thought of “reaching out” makes you feel uncomfortable. When that happens, remember step one: believe they want you to contact them and then do it. If you need help, be direct. Update them on what you’re doing, then ask for feedback. Can they recommend another person to connect with or give you their thoughts on an idea you are considering? You’ll feel most confident if you plan what to say in advance.

Final thought

Networking is about building relationships. You can’t have a relationship if you don’t spend some time “relating.” No matter where you are in your career, staying in touch with your contacts is a prescription for success.

Share your tips! What makes it easy for you to follow up with your contacts?

Growing a business and improving professionally take a lot of energy. Your organization and your professional life can only ever have as much energy as you do. For 2013, taking time to recharge yourself will supercharge your results. Try these techniques:

Write What’s Right: Studies show that people are happier when they take a few minutes each day to write down what is going well and what they are grateful for. Do what feels good to you. Write a few sentences about something good that happened during the day or something you are thankful for in your life.

Start Small: What substance is tougher: water or rock? The answer is water. Over time, small drops of water can erode stone. In your life, small consistent actions can also overcome obstacles. Big goals and big dreams are great as long as you remember that you achieve them with one step at a time. Break down your goals into chunks that are easier to focus on and accomplish. And, if you ever feel that you don’t know how to move forward, ask, “What is the smallest step I can take toward my goal?”

Celebrate Small Successes: How many actions does the average person take before they give up on a goal? Zero. Most people stop before they start. Once you take a step toward your goal, acknowledge it. Big achievements only happen after many small victories. Did you move something forward? Celebrate it.

Seek Support: It’s a proven fact that the quality of your connections to others has a bigger impact on your personal satisfaction than almost anything else. It’s easy to get so caught up in your plans that you forget that there are people around who want to help. Make a point of connecting with friends and loved ones and using their support network in 2013. Don’t have a network? Build one.

Create a Replenishing Ritual: We all have things that energize us and help turn a good day into a great day. Commit to discovering and practicing those rituals that replenish you every day. Whether you like to read, journal or take a walk around the park, a little time for yourself can make a lasting difference.

The final technique is to Adjust Your Attitude. Achieving goals is less like a sprint and more like a marathon. The good news is that when you make recharging yourself a priority, you know you’ll be able to finish the race. More than that you’ll be “supercharged” all along the way and have enough energy to really savor crossing the finish line.

Here’s to your success in 2013!

Myth: Networking is about events.

Reality: Networking is about a process.

Most people use a networking plan that can be described in one word: hope. They hope they’ll be at the right place at the right time. They hope they’ll meet the right people. They hope they’ll say the right things.

Real life doesn’t work that way. If you want networking to work for you, make sure your process includes these three actions:

Preparation

Have clear goals about what kind of people you want to meet and where you can find them. Do enough research and prep work to make the most of the event. The same applies for informal meetings that you set up with others.

Conversation

It helps to prepare a few topics or questions to get conversations started, but that won’t help if you don’t actually talk to anyone. If you’re at an event, make yourself mingle and meet new people. And be sure to learn about them. When you’re not at events, pick up the phone or send an email to contacts to stay in touch and get a conversation going.

Follow up

Nothing happens in networking until someone follows up. If you really want to stand out in a crowd, learn to follow up (and keep doing it) after networking. Whether it’s a phone call, a quick email or a connection on social media, stay in touch. True relationships are not built in a day.

Success in life comes from following the right process to get what you want. Success in networking is the same way. You’ve got to prepare, take action and then follow up. You’ll find that using a process for your networking makes you feel more comfortable, makes you more effective and makes networking actually work for you.

Believe your contacts. Poet Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” This can be said of networking as well. When people say, “let’s stay in touch” you should believe them. Don’t waste time trying to second-guess their intentions. Even if the person was “just being nice” you can trust that they will continue to be nice when you reach out.

Confirm your intention. Grab the bull by the horns and tell your contact exactly how you will follow up: “That sounds great. I’ll reach out to you in a few days/weeks/months.”

Ask how they want to be reached. Find out how they prefer to be contacted: by phone calls, emails, texts? You may also want to ask before you reach out on social media. Some people connect on Facebook with everyone they pass in the grocery store, while others only want to connect on LinkedIn. Find out first and prevent an embarrassing situation.

Offer value, information or resources. Try to share something of value with your contacts. Can you send a link to an interesting article? Is there information about a mutual interest that you can share? You may just want to thank them for their insight during your previous conversation and tell them how you are using the information they gave to you. That’s valuable too.

Be direct and ask for help. Sometimes the thought of “reaching out” makes you feel uncomfortable. When that happens, remember step one: believe they want you to contact them and then do it. Update them on what you’re doing, then ask for suggestions on others you should connect with. You’ll feel most confident if you think of what you plan to say in advance.

Final thought

Networking is about building relationships. You can’t have a relationship if you don’t spend some time “relating.” No matter where you are in your career, staying in touch with your contacts is a formula for success.

Is there a magical way that introverts can be great at networking? Yes, there is. But it calls for practice and preparation – key to successful networking for everyone, and especially introverts. Advance preparation will make you feel more comfortable and make it easier for you to achieve your goals. Here are a few ways to prepare for successful networking:

Set goals

Why do you want to network with a colleague or attend a networking event? Set specific goals and define what success looks like. Some introverts are uncomfortable, because they think “networking” means speaking to everyone in the room. It doesn’t. It just means building relationships with the people you want to meet. If networking is new to you, a modest goal like, “speak to three people” or “meet someone who knows Bob Smith” may be a good start.

Do your homework

Doing some basic research will put you ahead of the game when it comes to networking. This is especially true for events. Research will make you familiar with the lay of the land before you arrive. Pay particular attention to who is organizing the event, then introduce yourself when you arrive. The organizer is almost guaranteed to be both well connected and friendly. Explain that you don’t know a lot of people and ask for an introduction to another attendee.

Create conversation starters

Don’t like talking to strangers or making small talk? You should definitely prepare some conversation openers, such as “What brings you here?” or “What do you think of the event?” Plan on other conversation topics in advance by reading your local paper and brushing up on recent events. With these stock conversation starters, the chitchat can go smoothly!

Start with low-hanging fruit

If the idea of networking with strangers is too much for you, then network with people you know (or people your friends know). Starting with these acquaintances will help build your confidence as you practice the basics of networking.

Start small, but start

Networking is a skill that you develop with practice, but you must practice. Too many people are waiting to become good at networking before they start to network. It doesn’t work that way. Use a kaizen approach and set small goals for yourself and build on them. You’ll be amazed at your results over time.

Yes, introverts, you can network successfully if you follow these practical steps. Want to take some of the pain out of preparation? Check out my free networking checklist or learn why introverts can be more successful at networking than extroverts.

A friend was inspired by my truly amazing chocolate chip cookie recipe and decided to try it herself. She bought the ingredients and baked the cookies. Then she sent me an email that said, “They were good, but not as good as yours.” I asked, “Did you let the dough sit for at least 24 hours?” “No,” she said. “I made them right away.”

That was her problem. The secret ingredient in my cookie recipe is time. Time is what allows the flavors to deepen and coalesce. Networking is like that. You don’t get instant results. Most of the time, you have to do the right things, follow the right process and then wait.

If your networking and relationship building have moved at a slower pace than you would like, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you need to keep doing it. Remember, just like baking, there is a successful formula for networking. If you follow it exactly, you’ll be successful. You may just have to wait a little for your reward. And when you get it, success will be … sweet!

Got a networking “recipe?” Share it. Or, if you want my chocolate chip cookie recipe (courtesy of the New York Times), you can find it here.

There are a few guesses about why this happens. Some people say that your close friends may be nervous about putting their reputations on the line whereas an acquaintance can refer you without making a firm guarantee about your quality. My guess is that your “strong ties” don’t refer you as much as they could for the same reasons that most people have trouble with networking – your contacts don’t know what you do well enough to give you a strong referral.

Whatever the reason, you can position yourself to take advantage of weak ties and build stronger networking, referral prospects (and even job opportunities).

1. Make sure you are constantly connecting with people. Don’t assume that someone needs a certain job title or industry affiliation to refer you to others. One of my best new clients was referred to me by  a surprise contact: my former nanny. We never talked about my business, but she thought of me when an opportunity arose.
2. Have a clear “value proposition” that expresses what you do and what kind of opportunities you are seeking. You never know when you’ll start a casual conversation that can end with a new opportunity. Be ready to use strong language so you don’t stumble.
3. Remember to always ask for more names. When you have networking meetings or informational interviews, always ask,  “Do you know any one else that I should speak to?” Those introductions to other “weak ties” will almost always uncover information and connections that will be helpful to you.

And, it never hurts to make sure that your close friends do have enough information to help you. Whether you use your strong ties or weak ties, your prospects will always be strong when you connect with the people you know, use clear language to promote yourself and keep building connections with new people. No matter how it seems, opportunities really are everywhere. Happy networking.

p.s. – Looking for more resources on value propositions? Check out these articles.

• How To Write A Compelling Value Proposition
• How to Use Your Value Proposition to Create Conversations and Build Business

Photo courtesy of Disney.

Disney has a new movie coming out called “Finding Nemo.” Oh, you’ve already heard of it? That’s probably because Finding Nemo won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature in 2003 and for several years was the best-selling DVD of all time. So how is it new? Disney is repackaging and re-releasing the film in 3D later this year.

Disney’s re-launch of Finding Nemo is a great example for all marketers. You can create great content and great value for your prospects by recycling, repackaging and reinventing assets you already have. Here are three ways to start:

1.    Take Inventory. Try to think more broadly than financial resources or mere physical products. Your assets may include expertise, intellectual property, relationships or special contacts. Identify those resources that you have that are of value to others.

2.    Re-Use Your Materials: Look for a few ways that you can reuse those assets and materials today. One non-profit specializing in the prevention of child abuse uncovered several bookshelves of manuals that sat ignored in a dusty corner of the office. They decided to take the manuals, which contained short tips for parents and social workers, and turn those manuals into tweets, blog posts and emails.

3.    Identify New Uses. Next, figure out if you can combine some of your old inventory to create something new. In the case of the non-profit, they could add some content to create an e-course. Or, they could partner with another organization to take the material and create new resources.

What can you do? Even if you don’t make the next blockbuster movie, you can still save time, be more productive and be more effective than ever before by re-using some of your old materials. You may not find Nemo, but you will find a marketing goldmine.

Want more in depth tips on how to do this? Ask for my “Going Green Guide.”